Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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