Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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