I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
