apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
