90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I AM VODKA MAN
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