i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
we should paint friendship bongs
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
