I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
