no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
