I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
