If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
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