Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
