Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Your face is a jimmy john
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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