If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
