walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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