we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
