I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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