I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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