I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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