im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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