dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
