You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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