The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
