when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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