My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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