He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
