We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
my liver is dry heaving
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
