real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She bit a glass in half.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
