Apparently you make a good broom.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize