I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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