Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
