Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
false alarm, still single
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
