you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
