Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
