I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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