We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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