my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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