Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
