when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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