it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
