think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
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he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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