I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
