Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
