No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
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