Your tits are I can't wait for
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
