Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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