i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
