At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
