i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
