call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
