Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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