It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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