i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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