idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
