My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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