i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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