i permit you to call me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
