I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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