He uses pillows to masturbate.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
