Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
