I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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