mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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