I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
