i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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