I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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