My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
