did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
