My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
