you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
