No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize