how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize