I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
