No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
