I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
